Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
