oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
