we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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