I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
