Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
