FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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