Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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