I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
