She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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