how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
