just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You made out with two different species that night
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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