ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
