You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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