The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
