she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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