if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
