I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
