The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
