i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
