guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
