This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
