nut hugger
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
