I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
