I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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