i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
