just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
