Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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