Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
