Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize