The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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