The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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