Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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