just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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