Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You dont lie about slip and slides
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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