maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
