What did we do last night that was yellow?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
