DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
