'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
