were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
