in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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