Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
