I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
