rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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