oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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