ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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