I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
