I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
