you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
