I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
