I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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