yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
