I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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