I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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