HIV tests are more positive than that guy
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
