He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
