The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
