8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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